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Finding The Right Mate -- Simplified

Finding the Right Mate -- Simplified

by Pete Lorins

Most of us, at one point or another in our lives, desire to find what we perceive to be the right mate. If we stopped to analyze what we want, we’d see that there are typically five fundamental questions that will help us on the quest for a partner. These involve time, essence, person, method, and location.

1) When?

2) What?

3) Who?

4) How?

5) Where?

Some people are looking for an educated mate, an older or younger mate, while others are looking for a good looking mate, yet others are looking for a perfect mate, and yet others simply are looking for a mate who will complete or complement them in one way or another.

However the right mate will probably transcend all preconceived notions of that very mate. One usually hear successful couple say things like: "he or she is nothing like anyone I either ever dated before or anyone I would have expected myself to date." The latter implies that even couples that are with the right mate usually end up with such a mate by a luck of the draw and for those who believe in God, by the operation of higher power.

But without further ado, let us attempt to figure out the puzzle of finding the right mate through the prisms of 1) When? 2) What? 3) Who? 4) How? and 5) where

When can one know if one has met the right mate? Well, it's been said that wisdom come with age and I will use wisdom and discernment interchangably in this article since wisdom is derived from the application of sound intelligence to key knowledge that is usually gained either through trial-and-error or the mastery of time-proven relationship principles. However, most of us seem to either perfer to acquire wisdom on our own or simply are not born with the discernment required to discern wisdom that has been shared with us. Either way, most people learn more from their mistakes than those of others. Indeed, it has been said that failure is the mother of success. Accordingly, those who are still young, particularly men under fourty (40) years of age usually haven't acquired enough knowledge about themselves and others to discern either WHO they are and WHO their ideal mate will most likely be like. Therefore an attempt for such a person to try to answer the other queries (i.e., when, what, how and where) is rather futile.

All realationships require a degree of honesty to onself and one's prospective mate. Too many of us are blinded by either things life another person's beauty, leve of attraction, wealth, while many others are just overly compassionate and have felt sorry for a person who was not meant to ever be compatible as a mate, yet ended up being a mate because of exposure to that peson and manufactured affinity for that person. Having experienced the various degrees of affinity that a person can feel for someone of the opposite sex and being in my early 40's, I am at the point in which I can discern a lot more about the 1) When? 2) What? 3) Who? 4) How? and 5) where of a relationship.

A person does himself or herself a disservice when s/he decides to not listen to different views from different folks from all walks of life, as this prevents such a person from developing a strong enough knowledge base from which discerned inferences can be made.

1) WHEN?

One has to realize that one can meet one's ideal mate at any given time... however the more experienced one is and the more one has learned from past mistakes the more one is likely to filter fluff and puffery out and focus on substance rather than form.

2) WHAT?

What kind of feeling should one feel when one meet that person?

More likely than not such a person will induce you to feel things that you've never felt about someone else. S/he will induce you to think synergistically while making you think about things others never got you to think about before. S/he will bring warm feelings of partnership, and a desire to foster love, loyalty, honesty and trust naturally.

3) WHO?

That person can be the person that you least expect or the person that you might have expected or a blend of both. But certainly that person will meet the criteria described in part (2) above.

4) HOW?

How will you know if that person is the "right" one? Well, time always tells. Thus, allow time to tell you how honest that person was or whether or not that person should be a lifelong friend only, or a partner for life or someone that you should stop talking to altogether.


One has to realize that one can meet one's ideal mate anywhere, any time and through any medium and thus not limit that possibility by preconceived notions of when such a precious meeting should take place.

In short, the idea of finding the right mate can never be guaranteed or fully secured. It is a quest, like one for the truths behind life and even who one really is. But whether you believe that God can bring you the right mate or mere chance, using the above metrics any person should be able to have a strategic approach towards figuring out whether one has found the right mate or not. When it gets to the point at which you are ending each other's statement, or want nothing more than making such a person the happiest person in the World. When one is faced with the realization that each mate's imperfections become subjectively perfect to each other to the poing where flaws that are easily noticed by others are nearly non-existent to each other, then one knows that one has found THE ONE with whom one can spend a lifetime or two with a bit of work here and there. But if all else fails, one must never forget the need to position oneself in the right place (where) at the right time (when). More often than time like image, timing can be everything.

Mr. Pete Lorins is the Chief Editor of LorinsPOST and can be reached at:

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