Scarred Child of Deception: Lied to by His White Mother about His Race
DISCLOSURE: occasional capital letters simply denote my unique writing style. Do not be offended. This will be one of the most fascinating articles that you have ever read.
It has been said that the product of lies/deception is more lies; and it has always been said that MOST GREAT STORIES start with “once upon a time…” Thus, without a further ado…
ONCE UPON A TIME, there was a frightened and seemingly racist White lady (a victim of America's then evil racist practices) who was pregnant with the child of a Black man that she had met at work while her husband-to-be was away in college. It was around 1960 during a period of rampant and overt racism in AmeriKKKa. She was either too scared to have an abortion because of her religious beliefs or because of her own other fears. However, the end result was the same… she had to concoct one of the biggest lies that has ever been uttered to mankind or by womankind. And of course the latter will have to be covered by even more lies as mentioned above (as the product of lies is even more lies).
So, just like that, in 1960, a little biracial (half Black/half White) boy, named David "Dave" Karl Myers was born in an AmeriKKKa that was purely evil towards Black people at large, and growing up, his White Mother told him that he was WHITE, but simply had a skin disease. Dave had become a victim of a web of deceptions (i.e., a product of infidelity; and an evidence of the lies perpetuated by a seemingly evil White Mother to safely exist in a White society that would have then hated and chastised her for "sleeping" and procreating with the child of one of its former slaves.)
Perhaps she was trying to protect herself from the then shame of having a child for a Black man who, at that times, and arguably still today, is seen as inferior to the White man by far too many Whites especially delusional White men (even though the converse is probably true.) Or perhaps she was also trying to protect the little biracial boy from the stigma of race with her first-hand knowledge how of how hated Black or biracial boys were at that time. Either way, she decided to embark on a web of lies that would last for decades.
I met the man that emanated from that little broken biracial boy, namely David “Dave” Karl Myers, over a decade ago when I stopped at a Tennis academy to hire a tennis instructor for my son. I had always fantasized about having a star tennis player in the family and Dave appeared to be a very motivated professional tennis instructor to me. At that time, I was in my 20’s and was a vibrant young CEO for an IT company in Winter Park, Florida. Dave appeared to have been eccentric in some ways, yet I just couldn’t pinpoint his ancestry. He appeared to be a White-male-like to me. Meaning, phenotypically he seemed to have been not exactly African but mannerisms-wise, I saw a White man. The latter made sense because Dave was raised to self-conceptualize as a White man with a skin disease (certainly, a non-Black male). Anyhow, subsequently, I became acquainted with Dave’s sad, traumatic, stressful, yet fascinating story, including his years of working for the Seattle Times and as an Umpire for the USTA etc. But most importantly, I co-became acquainted with who Dave really was.. Consequently, I was so intrigued that I invited Dave to my office to convince him to share his story, and the latter culminated into our initial work together, a web site (blog), which was then named “discuss race” with perspectives that changed the lives of thousands Worldwide. Together, we coined/co-authored “The Dave Myers Story” which was subsequently aired all over the World after Dave appeared on Dr. Phil via the HARPO (Oprah backwards) studio, and a plethora of other news networks Worldwide. Dave become a guest lecturer and subject matter expert (SME) at many events and institutions of higher learning. My buddy then got burnt out, but he is back stronger and wiser; and more prepared to educate America on its mis-education about race and racism.Now, that I have provided you with the with background story, let’s get back to “the Dave Myers Story”.
Dave's Appearance on Dr. Phil along with Strom Thurmond's Daughter Essie-Mae
Like Dave, Essie Mae-Mae emanated from a racist background when she, too, entered the World as a biracial child that Strom Thurmond, the White racist and segregationist , secretly had with a Black woman. THE HYPOCRISY!
In a nutshell, Biracial David Myers (soft of like Obama) was denied his roots by the person that he should have been able to trust the most. To add insult to injury he was ridiculed by White kids who called him a "nigger" because that is what their White parents taught them. He was coerced and bamboozled to believe that he was White by a confused and seemingly fearful White woman who had no idea about what she could have done to positively handle the result of what must have been an exhilarating "Jungle Fever" experience (said w/ tongue-in-cheek or maybe not -- SMILE)
It must have been tough for my dear friend, Dave, who I care about and love. Everyone else in his family was White, but his skin was brown (despite being told that he, too, was White). His mother said it was a skin disease, melanism.
It took me years to fully understand Dave's journey. To get a grasp of the source of his anger, after he was raised to believe that he was as privileged as White boys, only to find out that he belonged to the class of people that were chased by angry dogs, and water-hosed, and tortured. Now I know that he is a genius to have managed to keep his sanity. I used to be less understanding in the past, but I, now, RESPECT DAVE. WE have a story to share with a POST-TRUMP AmeriKKKa, a bitter yet loved-filled medicine.
Dave grew up as a middle-class white American boy in Ohio and upstate New York, not knowing any Black people:
"For many years I thought I was White. I thought like a White kid. There was a feeling in me that I didn’t want to be associated with Blacks", Dave said. Modernly, the latter applies to many non-Caucasian Americans, including some Blacks. Simply dig into their inner circles...
Almost everything he knew about Blacks came from television, little of it was good. It seemed to him it was better to be a White boy with a skin disease than to be Black. He wanted the story about his melanism to be true.
One time on television he saw Black people running in the streets getting sprayed by fire hoses. He asked his mother about it. She said it was because they were hot. He was afraid they would come to his house: he asked his father to make sure he had his gun ready.
His parents fought over him. The children at school called him names and would be mean to him for no apparent reason. That sort of thing was completely beyond his parents’ experience. They told him that it was his fault for not knowing how to get along with people. It certainly had nothing to do with race.
Dave - Adulthood
It only got worse as time went on, especially at home with his mother. She said, “He was just uncontrollable. None of my other children acted this way.” When he was 18 she kicked him out of the house.
His mother was a very unhappy, hard woman, full of anger, and it went on that way till she told him the truth at last – well, part of it: that his father was not her White husband but a Black man who had raped her.
He was 26 then, living in San Francisco. His life fell apart: he was homeless for three years. He looked for his father, Fermon Beckette.
A year later, in 1987, he found his father’s telephone number and called him. Beckette said he never raped his mother: “That’s an old-fashioned, Southern lie.” One she told to save her marriage. She still maintains she was raped: “Any Black who rapes a woman will say she asked for it.”
Dave now knew he was Black but he did not know what that meant since he had grown up White. So he read books about race and Black history and sought out the Black side of his family.
He tried out different identities, tried to talk Black and so on, but in the end it did not feel right. His friends say he is the whitest Black man they know.
Today Dave has lived and relived the consequences of this horrific adventure and simply identifies himself as "a man". But, he is a wiser man because of it all and has become a subject-matter-expert on race. He understands the sting of racism from having lived in its midst and in a way that empathizes with Blacks and educates ignorant Whites. So, we are back working at it again, but this time with a wiser Dave and Pete and a renewed perspective. Please help her share this amazing story with as many people as you humanly can.
By thew way, TRUE LOVE CENTRIC Black-male leadership is needed to seeds of Godliness, love, family and community-building in the souls of young Black males... Accordingly, we created "The Trillion BlaMMMA" which stands for the Trillion Black-Male Mentor-Centric-Mental Army. Feel free to click on the latter and let us get to work... perhaps we will also manage to have a movie emanate from the amazingly unique "Dave Myers Story"
There are decent yet unaware or clueless Whites out there. They many not be racist, but they are clueless about the plight of far too many Blacks in AmeriKKA. I believe all Whites should visit both bad and excellent Black neighborhoods before they graduate from High School as to truly realize how UNFAIRLY PRIVILEGED they are. Please share this article with your White friends as well. EACH ONE - TEACH ONE!
After the Dave Myers Story was first introduced around 2005, he appeared a plethora of news programs, which include but are not limited to the following:
1. Dr. Phil Show Appearance 2. Essence Magazine in 2006 (#4 "Dave Myers, the Undercover Brother) 3. National Enquirer (Featured Twice in 2006) 4. United Kingdom's "Real People" Magazine 5. The South Korean Journal - Notable Interviews 6. PBS' Tavis Smiley's "News and Notes) 7. PBS Orlando Vision Program hosted by Betty Martinez-Lowery
8. A Big White Lie - Written by Jeff Kunerth, Orlando Sentinel (9/18/2005)
9. Bryant University Speaking Engagement - Sponsored by NAACP Orlando Chapter
PS: please disregard any inadvertent TYPOs (typographical errors) as I have limited time to write such voluminous articles. However, I do it to give back to America, and for the respect due to ALL THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS, particularly the Black ones.
EXAMPLE OF COMMENTS RECEIVED OVER THE YEARS
80+ Selected Example Responses
on Sunday September 14th 2008 at 06:57:55 Renee
He tried out different identities, tried to talk black and so on, but in the end it did not feel right. His friends say he is the whitest black man they know.
That right there is his problem. There is no one way of being black. The idea that there is a monolithic black identity is false.
Liked by 1 person
on Sunday September 14th 2008 at 22:59:52 RoseMarie
I am a black woman from Central America living in Europe..and I never understand why people say that black people should act like black..we are humans like whites..and everybody should act according their personalities.
Liked by 3 people
on Monday September 15th 2008 at 13:54:40 Blanc2
Sounds like his parents were messed up in a number of ways, not just about race.
Liked by 1 person
on Wednesday September 17th 2008 at 10:59:27 Dave Myers
If you would , please consider the eleven questions that I pose after a narrative I wrote titled , “Born With a Skin Disease?!: A Mother’s Whitewash” . Additionally, the “Forum Feature” on http://www.discussrace.com contains over (150) differing discussions , and the over (50) Book Titles listed in my, “Featured Books and Articles” link have all been veryinformative. Peace
on Thursday September 18th 2008 at 17:10:01 blackgirlinmaine
What a sad story. I don’t even have words to describe how sad this made me feel. I do question his parents behavior though,living in Maine there are white families that adopt children of color and in many cases race is never brought up ordiscussed which as a Black woman I feel is not the best approach to take.
Liked by 1 person
on Saturday October 18th 2008 at 08:26:28 MARSHA
BELIEVE THAT THIS WOMAN WAS RAPED. SHE LIKE A LOT OF PEOPLE PROBABLY SEEN SOMETHING SHE WAS INTERESTED IN AND WENT FOR IT.THIS STORY IS SO SAD, THIS MAN’S MOTHER TOLD A LIE TO SAVE HERSELF FROM WHAT SHE PERCEIVED WOULD BE EMBARRASSMENT. SHE DID NOT MIND HER FIRST BORN GOING THROUGH THE EMBARRASSMENT OF NOT KNOWING WHO HE WAS. I DO NOT IN ALL OF MY HEART AND SOUL
I DO UNDERSTAND TIMES WERE HARDER THEN, THEN THEY ARE NOW ABOUT RACE MIXING AND BIRACIAL CHILDREN, BUT THIS IS YOUR CROSS TO BEAR LADY NOT YOUR SONS. DAVE I APPLAUD YOU FOR TELLING YOUR STORY NOT ONE PART OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT YOU SHOULD HAVETOLD YOUR STORY. NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO ABUSE YOU EMOTIONALLY AND THAT IS WHAT YOUR MOTHER DID. I BELIEVE THERE WERE
MOMENTS WHEN SHE TRIED TO PROTECT YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE HER CHILD AND SHE LOVES YOU. BUT FOR HER TO SAY SHE HATES ALL BLACKS AND SHE HAS A BLACK SON IS HORRIBLE. THE PROBLEM IS SHE HATES HERSELF FOR WHAT SHE DID BECAUSE SHE KNOWS SHE IS WRONG.
FORGIVE HER AND MOVE ON, BUT LET HER LIVE IN HER OWN PERSONAL HELL BECAUSE SHE NEVER STEPPED UP AND DID THE RIGHT THING ANDTHAT IS WHAT SHE DESERVES. I DON’T MEAN TO TALK MEAN ABOUT YOUR MOMMA BECAUSE I KNOW YOU PROBABLY STILL LOVE HER….
on Saturday October 18th 2008 at 12:34:07 louise
in response to rose marie, i must say yes black people are people just like white people. but what do you mean “act likeblack” of course you are being presumptuous. black people all act like the indivuals we are.The sadness in this mans story is his mothers deception and societies racism.the sadness is also his ignorance of his cultural heritage not the fact that he is black.
on Saturday November 1st 2008 at 13:27:48 Dave Myers
Thank you all for your heart-felt words of understanding, and perspective… My dear mother, did the best that she could do, the best that ‘she knew how to do’, at the time. I do not judge her actions, as I could never fully appreciate any others choices, in “whose shoes I have not walked” …
on Wednesday November 5th 2008 at 19:39:07 Gia
I have to say that the undertones of this post bothers me. It seems to imply that the content of character is somehowpredetermined by race. This notion is (which is common) is completely ignorant. Race roles is something that is played up by the media to box what they don’t understand into categories, which often are negative. We are all human, with complex
personalities, desires, and dialects and the idea that ‘black’ or ‘white’ is a distinct personality trait is wrong.
on Monday December 8th 2008 at 14:36:05 YumYum
WoW! I briefly went over this. But from what I’ve read so far, it looks really interesting so I’ll finish it later.
on Saturday November 7th 2009 at 03:40:34Dave Myers
A bit more perspective , Peace .
on Saturday November 7th 2009 at 18:00:13 Dave Myers
Nuff said .
on Saturday December 19th 2009 at 20:24:17 Chanel
Dave, I have to admit reading your story made me more angry towards the end. At the begining I thought you were adopted by white parents and they just fed you a lot of ridiculous excuses for your color, why black people were hosed down, and whypeople at school mistreated you. Majority of people raised in environments are a product of their environment. I have acousin who is 43 now, but he was raised in a white neighborhood and had all white friends; and that was all he knew.
However, you were meant to be here, even though it was from your mother’s infidelity. We can’t pick our parents, but it seems your mother had racial issues and personally didn’t think much of black people. I wonder was it better she raised you(which she did step up to the plate for her mistake) or give you up for adoption, therefore, you it could have saved the emotional abuse growing up. My husband is white and we have these conversations at times about race and if and when we would have children; and how would he handle such situations his child could come across or questions his child could have.
Dave how do you think my husband should handle raising a bi-racial child? Would it be healthy if he said the things to our child like your mother/father said to you?
on Tuesday December 22nd 2009 at 21:46:54 Ames
He’s such a good looking guy. And he looks like he’s a sweet person too. You can see it in his eyes.
on Saturday December 26th 2009 at 14:05:42 Mira
This is horrible. I am actually crying right now, which is not the best thing since I’m not at home. This is beyondhorrible. I honestly don’t know what to say. There aren’t words to describe it.
on Tuesday February 16th 2010 at 02:19:20 dee
This is so stupid. You cant talk & act ‘white’ or ‘black’. He’s just a black man, thats it. That doesn’t mean he should be like any stereotype. Its just a friggen skin tone.
on Thursday April 28th 2011 at 19:05:20 WakaWaka
Whites are evil.
on Tuesday May 3rd 2011 at 06:47:29 georgeson
He’s like the real life version of Clayton Bigsby.
on Monday January 2nd 2012 at 05:16:47 Adeen Danica Mckenzie
I can’t believe the actual real David Myers commented on this post. Although I am a 16 year old Black girl, a lot of myWhite counterparts still think the same way you mother and your Caucasian stepfather thinks about Blacks and race. Even in a ”post racial” society, race till matters. Yes, Dave, reading your story made me so sad! And it is so sad because daveseems to be a very good looking guy.
on Monday January 2nd 2012 at 11:28:23 Demerera
This unfortunately, is not the first time I have heard this story. I went to school with two girls who’s mothers both told them the same thing – that they were raped by BM.
I recall being at primary school and asking one of the girls about her parentage (her skin looked white but her features and hair suggested otherwise) as I was fascinated. She became very upset and this was the first time I heard the story of the ‘rape’. I also got severely told off by the headmaster who said ‘How dare you say that she looks black’ – a confusing
thing for me as a 9 year old child. Clearly a horrible and heinous thing to say to this individual who, unbeknownst to me was struggling with her identity.
their adult lives but I guess that there will always be that ‘concern’ which they manage to keep at bay on a day to day basis.Both individuals have gone on to have children with WM – I couldn't say how what they were told as children has affected
on Monday January 2nd 2012 at 15:57:35 Adeen Danica Mckenzie
Aw, that is so sad, Demerera. I didn’t know th nonsense has been going on for so long. I think it should stop. Parents should teach their children both sides of their ethnic and cultural heritage; their mother’s or father’s.
on Monday January 2nd 2012 at 17:48:56Demerera
I think its fear, fear of the perception because it seems that these individuals were always taught that black=bad. Theremothers, for whatever reason, did not feel strong enough to justify their choice of mate but nevertheless chose to live with and raise the legacy of this.
I guess we have to put it in to context of the times too as these girls grew up in the 70’s and 80’s like me and whilst there was a strong emergence of Black Pride, it is clear that these girls would not have been exposed to this.
on Thursday March 29th 2012 at 11:43:31 diane77
Nowadays there’s a lot more acceptance of race mixing because of I believe desegregation in the south and some parts of theU.S. Houston,TX is in the south has a lot of race mixing and is integregated. Chicago (black majority) is the most segregated major city in U.S. I agree with his dad I don’t believe his father raped her because she didn’t call the policeor press charges. I also read a study http://ijo.sagepub.com/content/54/1/92.abstract that most sex offenders are
unmarried. And his father was married to a black woman had 5 kids when he conceived him with a white woman.
on Tuesday April 3rd 2012 at 16:53:20 Dave Myers
As I began to press my mother more directly than I ever had the courage to do before, she turned to me and said, “What to do think, I was raped by a nigger!” This is the best that my mother could come up with when I had asked her for the first time in my life, to her face, about my father. Fifteen years earlier in 1986 , she left a message on my answering machine
informing me of my father’s name… Our society has taught us that black skin does not have anywhere near the same value that white skin does. My mother , who will be 74 this year, was indoctrinated by her eurocentric schoolbooks and especially her second-generation German-Romanian parents. We have not spoken more than a couple of words since I began to publicly tell mystory in 2003, nor have I a heard a single word from my three younger sisters , younger brother , or my adoptive father.
on Wednesday May 16th 2012 at 03:45:21 Rock T.
Dave your story seems awfully similar to one I heard before about a white basketball player named Dave Myers who played for the Milwaukee Bucks. He too found that he had black relatives including a brother he had never met. If you’re not that person what a coincidence!
on Wednesday May 16th 2012 at 06:22:16 Dave Myers
I recall hearing about a professional basketball player having my same name, but it’s been a while since I’ve thought about him, and I certainly do not recall the story about him finding his black relatives and brother… where did you hear the story?
on Tuesday June 19th 2012 at 18:22:42 Jennifer C.
I am so sorry for your pain, And I know it sounds silly and simple in a way, But seriously.. Can’t we all just get along, I am so sick of hearing black, white, latin, indian, Whatever for God’s sake, Just people, Color and race does not do this, Ignorance does this. It all makes me so sad.
on Tuesday June 19th 2012 at 19:52:28 Dave Myers
Thank you for your sentiments Jennifer, but please don’t be sad, that will only disempower you… Maybe in educating ourselves, if each one teaches one, we can make a change.
on Tuesday August 14th 2012 at 17:21:35 Jefe
The children at school called him names and would be mean to him for no apparent reason. That sort of thing was completely beyond his parents’ experience. They told him that it was his fault for not knowing how to get along with people. It certainly had nothing to do with race. OMG, sounds just like my mother.
on Tuesday December 4th 2012 at 18:46:03 Brown Melanic
This is exactly the problem when Melanic people are raised by those non melanic beings. He looks odd in that picture just like people look odd today with whites. We are people of color and they are in their own RACE “White” for a reason! This should be against the law, whites raising God Melanic people but they want us to SELF HATE just like people do today whenthey say they are NOT BLACK, just a Woman or Man. BS, Everyone else see YOU for what you are! I just read onfreedompeoplemagazine.com truelife, my life the same siltuation this time with a NATIVE. So sad, everyone who is raised bywhites just about get treated with this bullsh**. I think them having someone of color is like a accessory. i just watched“grace” a chinese little girl on pbs tell her adoptees “your white i am chinese, we are different” its crazy a 6 year old CAN GET IT!. LOVE YOUR MELANISM – ITS WHAT THEY ENVY!!!!!
on Thursday August 29th 2013 at 17:17:05 anon
Michael Jackson did the same thing your mother did. He claimed his purchased white children are naturally his. The children are in denial. One of them tried to kill herself, I think she is struggling with identity issues.
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 14:32:52 Dave Myers
I’m not familiar with what Michael Jackson did with his children . My father is black and my mother is white … perhaps you should re-read “The Dave Myers Story” .
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 15:00:02 mary burrell
Dave Meyers,thanks for sharing your journey. Very thought provoking.
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 16:02:55jefe
I agree that the situation with Michael Jackson’s kids is not similar at all. The links provided under the post are somewhat similar (ie, non-white people raised in white culture), and maybe provide some comparison.
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 16:16:49 mary burrell
The Michael Jackson scenario is not similar to Mr. Meyers story.
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 16:19:03mary burrell
I wonder if Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are teaching their children about their ethnic heritages. Will Sandra Bullock teach her adopted child about his black heritage?
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 16:28:32 jefe
MB, maybe you can refer to the stories of Korean adoptees into white families. The parents tried to raised them in a“colour blind” fashion, but that does not help them adjust to the reality of US society. I think white parents of non-white children are quite clueless
The main thing to teach is not exactly about “black” heritage per se (or “Korean” heritage for Korean adoptees) but how to navigate life as a non-white person in US society, something that very few white parents actually understand much less teach their kids.
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 17:03:43 Adeen
Is that really you? Anyways as a young, Black person, it is nice to see you on here. I am sorry your mother lied to youabout your lineage and heritage. It is sad you have to go through that.
And honestly I think it is best that you don’t speak to your mother or White half siblings. This situation was all your mother’s doing. She didn’t want to accept the fact that she had a baby by a Black man. I hope that you learn both sides of your heritage and embrace it as a biracial man living in a racist society.
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 17:05:46 Dave Myers
My mother not only attempted to deceive her white husband , but the white society she was living amongst , into believing that my brown skin was the result of a skin disease called melanism . I was an afterthought . This became more and more obvious the older I got , and the more frequently that I was catching the blame for sibling politics , especially being the oldest of for others . She attempted to get rid of me by pushing me off to a foster(white) family when I was around 14, but after living with them for a month or so, I was able to get back “home” . She kicked me out of the house for the final time ,(6) weeks before my high school graduation . I lived in my car and was able to graduate on time .
Liked by 1 person
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 17:09:49 mary burrell
This is so sad. I can’t imagine the brokenness to the soul and spirit. I hope Mr. Meyers is at peace now.
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 17:11:10 mary burrell
@jefe: Your commentary gives me food for thought.
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 17:13:58 mary burrell
@jefe: How to navigate life as a non white person in white society, I agree that whites who adopt non white children needto teach that, and not adhere to the foolishness of being color blind. I think that does the child a huge disservice.
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 17:40:59 jefe
Regarding Joshua Solomon, he became brown for a few days and had no clue how to adjust psychologically to it, so he gave up and waited until he could be white again.
For non-white kids raised by white parents in a white neighborhood in white culture, they also will have to learn to navigate life as a non-white person as soon as they get exposed to a larger society. However, they just can’t give up and “go back” and become white — that option is not really open to them. They have to navigate life as a non-white person pretty much alone.
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 17:53:41 sondis
Some may say that he was a product of his environment in the way of his racist parents, brain and white washing him but at some point as an adult, after reading about black history, he should have formed a conscious.
He obviously didn’t, stilling resenting his blackness by calling himself a “Man”.
There are black people in America that are this way, despite being raised by black people.
I wonder if Mr. Meyers is still alive….
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 18:07:41 mary burrell
@sondis: es Mr. Meyer is alive. He posted comments on this thread today.
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 18:08:20 mary burrell
^yes. typo above.
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 18:11:01 jefe
My dear Sondis, he has been replying to this blog, obviously he is still here.
You know, it is not as easy as you seem to think it is — reading about black history, and forming a “consciousness” basedon that. You would have to be raised by white parents (or at least one white parent or white grandparents) to know what it is like to cross that psychological gulf. There is a huge tremendous psychological leap that must be made, not to mention all the social and cultural experience.
I do not have this exact experience, but I do understand enough to know why it is tough. I also had a problem with my mother also over race. I had a problem with my father over race. I realized that none of their suggestion was helpful to me at all – neither knew or understood what I had to go through. You think it is easy for Dave Myers to deny his parents and upbringing and just be a “black” man? I understand why someone may need to make a psychological compromise and call himself a “Man” or “Human Being” to be able to live with oneself. Instead of condemning them, we need to offer support and understanding.
Did you feel it was easy to Sandra Laing – raised by white parents in a white family in a white culture and then make a decision to be “colored” and be disowned by her family? It is a huge tough decision and even if one decides to deny the family that raised them, it does not mean that they automatically fit into another community elsewhere.
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 18:11:16sondis
I completely missed that! Thanks for pointing it out, Mary. ^_^
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 18:13:29mary burrell
@sondis: you are very welcome sir.
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 18:18:56 Sondis
Instead of condemning them, we need to offer support and understanding.”
How is saying he didn’t form a consciousness about being a black man, when he refuses to be seen as a black man for which he is considered in America, condemning him? You’re taking my statement out of context and using your own.
I made a observation, not a judgement.
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 18:32:49 jefe
You said “He obviously didn’t, stilling resenting his blackness by calling himself a “Man”.”
I don’t see ANYWHERE where he exactly resented his blackness. He tried to understand what that meant. So, resenting his blackness did not seem like an observation, but an interpretation you made, ie, a judgement.
The statement “He does not think that he should see himself as black just because he looks black.” in no way implies thathe ever resented his blackness per se. He is trying to make that interpretation. Being “black” in America is more than just a phenotype.
Of course, we should let him speak for himself.
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 19:12:26 Matari
Your story, your experience showcases so much of the debilitating, corrosive horror that this mental illness (racism) visits upon humanity – on so many levels.
White Supremacy/superiority/racism exacts a tremendous incalculable cost on everyone it touches! What makes it even more tragic now than how it has been is that whiteness still won’t relent because most whites refuse to Wake the F Up and see what their grandiose delusions are costing themselves, and everyone else.
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 19:21:45Adeen
Wow, your mother is sick in the head for trying to kick you out. She was so ashamed of having a biracial child from anaffair that she would do anything to kick you out. I am glad that you got out of that house six weeks before graduating.
I am sorry to say this but your mother is a racist. I am glad you don’t talk to that woman.
Hello beautiful Black Brotha, how are you? Yes, Dave Meyers was here replying to my comments so he is still alive today.
I agree with you. Racism will always go on unless Whites wake up and realize how racism negatively affects minorities and get rid of the racist system for good
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 19:27:02 mstoogood4yall
I wonder too how they raise their adopted black kids, I bet its the same way that teachers teach black kids, have black history once a year and raise them to be colorblind.
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 19:37:25Adeen
I know right. I don’t think White people should raise our kids because
1) They can’t even raise their own kids properly why let these Neanderthals raise Black children from Africa and AmeriKKKa
2) They don’t know how it is like to be an minority in a White dominated nation so they can’t relate to their children’s experiences with racism.
3) Last but not least, they would raise these kids to accept multiculturalism, interracial dating and marriage and be colorblind.
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 19:37:44 mary burrell
@mstoogood4yall: I think you are right.
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 19:49:14mstoogood4yall
^ I just think if we give our kids to the white teachers to teach them and they learn some whitewashed stuff, then I can’t imagine what they’d learn or not learn, living 24/7 with them. I’ve seen too many stories of foster parents or adoptive parents abusing black kids and kids of color or killing them. I do think they purposefully take certain kids away to whitewash them, i’m reading Malcolm x bio and its interesting that he lived with a white family and how they kicked him out
once he started waking up and not wanting to be a good lil negro and not wanting to deal with their racism.
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 20:02:39 mary burrell
@mstoogood4yall: You need to read about actor Adewale Akinnuoye Agbaje. He was on the ABC series “Lost” he portrayed the character, Mr. Ecko. He is a brilliant actor. In the 1960’s in England, there was a system called farming. Many Nigerian parents sent their children to live with white famililies, while they went to obtain their educations. This was one messed up young brother, but he is just now getting his head straight. His story is kind of similar to Dave Meyers story.
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 20:54:32 Dave Myers
Your response to Mr. Sondis’ opinion was very insightful . Those who have read very little of my experience are wont to transpose more common and well known instances of bi-racial children being mis-treated and abused by their white parents /step parents . The Stockholm Syndrome from which I suffered for the first 18 years of my life , did not dissipate entirely until I played the message on my answering machine in 1986(I was 26 years old) from my mother telling me the name of my father …
on Sunday September 15th 2013 at 22:14:15 mstoogood4yall
@ ms mary
he is a handsome man, I just read his story, wow that is so sad. I can’t believe his parents let him go live with strangers and didn’t see him until he got older. I can’t imagine just dropping a child off and not seeing them for years. He suffered from his adoptive parents and his bio parents that is messed up. He became a skinhead to feel accepted, wow they did a number on him. The trauma he experienced is astonishing. I find it interesting that it seems when whites would adopt black
kids or kids from another culture they just try to teach them their ways and just teach them how to be white. I just wonder why they do that and how long do they expect the lie to be believed, I mean why lie and tell him he is white or whatever when one day he will find out. I guess a lot of whites think if I raise this child like my white children they will be white for real, Pinocchio comes to mind. Maybe they think if I raise this child white they won’t be like those others and they don’t want to recognize the differences between whites and blacks. They’d rather raise them the same and not have to put in effort to learn the differences, because just maybe they can’t accept differences only tolerate them. Reminds me of a show I saw where whites take wild animals like tigers,lions and,buffalo,and treat them like they are house pets and are shocked when that animal attacks. smh
on Monday September 16th 2013 at 04:01:10 jefe
Dave Myers uses “stockholm syndrome” but I think it also might be something else. His “captor” was actually his biological and social mother. So, it might have certain characteristics similar to the traumatic bonding found in the Stockholm Syndrome, but it is also slightly different from a typical “hostage” situation. It might also have characteristics of psychological child abuse where parents lie to their children (eg, where they teach them to hate the other parent or telling lies to adopted children, eg, “your real parents didn’t want you, so you should be grateful to white people!). Actually, my parents (esp. my mother) lied to me about a few things, so I am trying to use that to understand the situation. He was not adopted by his mother, so it is not exactly the same, but we can refer to the other cases that have some similar elements.
There are several instances on this blog where you honestly believe you are making a purely factual observation, but where you might be making a
(observation) + (opinion, viewpoint, stereotype) = judgmental interpretation.
It is a bit similar to when people do the reverse logical process
(opinion, viewpoint, stereotype) + (observation) = confirmation bias.
That is not necessarily a bad thing. It can lead to some good discussion as long as you recognize that some observations might be colored by personal opinions or follow a logic that is from a certain viewpoint.
If you fail to notice that you, indeed all of us, do that sometimes, then you cannot be disturbed when people make “observations” such as the following:
Crime statistics (observation) –> Blacks are predisposed to be criminals (judgmental interpretation)
Black incarceration rates (observation) –> Blacks are predisposed to be criminals (judgmental interpretation)
Welfare statistics (observation) –> Blacks are lazy welfare queens (judgmental interpretation)
Black ghetto (observation) –> Blacks are poor and not middle class (judgmental interpretation)
Blacks can and have become president (observation) –> racism is “past tense”(judgmental interpretation)
What you did in this instance:
Dave Myers chose to refer to himself as a “man” instead of “black” –> He resents being black.
He resents not knowing the truth of his family until he was 26, but it does not mean that he resents being black. His experience demonstrates that simply having some African ancestry does not make one “black” in the USA. There is more to it than that.
Bliss Broyard did not know about her father’s black background until she was well into her 20s. She had to redefine herself after learning that, but if she decides not to define herself as “black” per se, then it does not mean that she resents being black. She did not grow up knowing anything about being black – that is the issue.
on Monday September 16th 2013 at 09:38:51 teddy1975
@Adeen, this reminds me of Willie Overtoom, the Cameroonian-Dutch association football player. He doesn’t seem to mind that his biological father is black, unlike the one of his four siblings, who is also his legal father, but in his case we are talking about the children of a Cameroonian mother, raised by her, and “I guess he takes more after his mother’s family”-
could explain a lack of Dutch features.
Now Willie Overtoom claims that he never got into a fight or experienced anything nasty because of his looks, on the other hand, he is said to be as easily disturbed as a buddha statue, so his definition of “nasty” may explain a lot of that, as well as a lack of problems with his white relatives.
on Monday October 14th 2013 at 21:47:19 Just Sayin
In your response to Sondis…you give a lengthy, word upon word psychological
reply. To the untrained eye and blacks without in depth knowledge (the real psychological damage) you sound coherent.
However, this is not the case.
So, would you please elaborate and explain what you mean by” his experience
demonstrates some African Ancestry does not make one Black in the USA. There is more to it than that”.
What is the more to it than that?
Please define the one drop rule?
Please define the 3/5th of human rule?
Please define your knowledge if you have any, of Africans being the first on this
planet, and all of civilization deriving from this point?
Please define which group of people have dominant genes? Please define who
have recessive genes.
Please define racism white/supremacy?
Please define your blackness(if you are?) , And, what qualifies you to be qualified, bonafide, and certified to speak on issues concerning blacks?
At this point I recommend you seek out Dr. Frances Cress Welsing, a true
expert on the psychological damage of black people!!! Over fifty years
on Tuesday October 15th 2013 at 16:28:41 Dave Myers
@ Just Sayin
That is important perspective that you’ve just laid down , which I think , generally goes in to forming a healthy identity. Up until I was (26) years old in (1986) , I allowed myself to offer a dwindling shred of “potential” truth to the “story” that she had told everyone who would listen , about why her firstborn’s skin was “brown” and not “white” like her other four children’s … I “was” this “bi-racial” boy growing up in an immediate society that was 100% Caucasian , with the
surrounding society at 98% Caucasian . There was nothing in my life , no one I knew personally , nor was there any information what so ever that I was presented from the euro-centrically constructed/oriented “history books” that I was spoon-fed in high school that painted any picture of “black American’s” , or black life style that was attractive to me (besides athletics or The Jackson 5). For anyone in observation to surmise that my identity was potentially a major accident waiting to happen would be an understatement . What I have gone through (so far) , is what many black people of African Descent have/need to contend/deal/navigate in America … I could be wrong , but it appears to me to be much easier if you are a (non-black) child, to locate something/somewhere positive to drop your little anchor … relative to the life of a young black girl or boy. And that is where it all begins . Although I had a family (white), my inculcation was a near total ethnic fabrication multiplied by a cultural misdirection/education .
on Tuesday February 18th 2014 at 20:09:18 S
@ Dave Myers
It is heartbreaking to even try to imagine what this must have been like for you. What your mother has done to you is disgusting beyond words. It’s insane that she told a child – her own child, to top it off – that his natural healthy skin color was a disease. The lack of compassion and love she has displayed for you is astounding. Her choices should have always been hers to bear, not yours. I am sorry that fate did not give you a better parent. I know you will not have another, but it sounds like you may be better off without them. Toxic people are still toxic whether they are your
relatives or not. You deserve so much more. I hope that your life today is much better than all of this.
on Wednesday February 19th 2014 at 01:04:07 Dave Myers
My mother is a “racial sociopath” … She clearly demonstrated her tendencies as I aged into my teen years , and as I matured, the hate for black skin that had been instilled in her youth became impossible for her to live with … with me living under the same roof. By the time I was twenty I was living on the other side of the country or overseas , and I very rarely if at all had any
reason to speak to her or anyone else from my family .
As a consequence of being raised in a predominantly white society , within a white family , my reverence for white skin was instilled without so much as a thought . Even after I learned who my biological father was at 27 years of age I had begun to craft an attempt at deconstructing some of the negatives about my people that I had taken on as a youngster . Understand, that I had done a
certain amount of work that began after becoming involved with a black woman at 21 years of age, but there was a lot of work that still needed to be done.
Twenty years later my mother and adoptive father move to Florida and my mother calls me to let me know what their new address would be , and I get an idea that it might be a good idea for me to move to Florida (from Seattle) in order to achieve a healthy re-connection with them as well as helping my current profession … To make a longer story, shorter, my stay with them in the Central Florida town of Lady Lake ( 2 months ) before I moved into Orlando was all that was needed to expose the truth .
Being “better off without ever having a parent” is best stated , looking back on a situation . What has come to pass with some of the media attention that my experience generated has I hope , reignited discussions on “race” and identity , et al. I’m certainly not the “bi-racial” black person any more who felt that he had to qualify his existence by telling a story about a skin disease affliction .
And is my life better ? I don’t know … I’m still alive . I believe that I have realized more new things in the past 10-20 years than I had in the previous 40 or so . I have more responsibility now , because I’m aware of more , and I think “that”, is a good thing . Peace
on Wednesday February 19th 2014 at 01:42:13thwack
Check out Leo Felton for an example of what a person must SAY and/or DO to function as a white person.
on Monday August 18th 2014 at 04:43:38 Allpeople Gifts
Actually … HE’S MIXED-Race … NOT BLACK-Race.
on Tuesday June 2nd 2015 at 19:56:36 athosindia
Whether his mother was raped or had an affair or whatever…
The really good person is the foster father who brought him up…
Why the hell is no body talking about that dude?
He could’ve easily thrown out or abandoned the kid instead of bringing him up..
on Saturday June 6th 2015 at 22:50:44 Teodora Kralcheva
Ok, am I the only one who thinks it’s weird how we still keep using these labels of colour names to put people in eitherone or another category? I mean here we’re talking about a person of mixed parents so he’s obviously half-half. He’s not ‘black’ whatever that even means. I mean is there some kind of percentage of African genes one must possess in order to fit in the category of ‘black’ people? Aren’t most, at least in the Americas, mixed anyway? What’s with this categorisation? I mean, in Europe, Asia and Africa it’s different. Here we’re still pretty much ethnically identified according to thecountry we live in. But the Americas are just one big mish-mash, yet you categorising people. It’s so funny to me.
on Sunday June 14th 2015 at 12:40:47T eddyBearSniffer
@ this blog
I see it happen over and over again. As an Asian I know how marginalized we are in this country (U S of A). I know a couple with Asian kids that remedy the situation by literally making their kids honorary whites. So they basically ignore all racial epithets directed at Asians and their kids and move about in a fantasy world. Now can you imagine the pain of their adopted children as they grow up and realize all this?
on Monday June 15th 2015 at 02:55:39 jefe
I know this post is linked in the post above, but it is more addressed here.
In my opinion, what POC kids need most of all is not being raised as colour-blind, and not focusing purely on the culture and history of their biological parents, but learn how to navigate race in America when it is anything but colour-blind.
on Monday June 15th 2015 at 03:53:11King of Trouble
I would ’think have a luck of understanding about a Mother like that. Love mines she did her best raising me. Yet, it must be painful to be cut from your family.
I still have people tell me I am most white person they know. Still, I read about people like Winnie Harlow, and think as dangerous as the places I grew up in and as conflicted as I felt about ethnicity and community; I was pretty lucky. Every day the air gets fresher and the past a hazy dream.
on Monday June 15th 2015 at 07:41:42 TeddyBearChubbs
I agree. It’s about putting the best elements of role models together. I think learning the world over and deciphering different cultures and ethnicities is a start. Then understanding the limitations of approach being the other. You’d be surprised who is friend and who is foe in this world….
on Monday June 15th 2015 at 16:46:39TeddyBearSniffer
Your story tragic. I’ve never known of a biological mother to hate her own offspring so much. Your mother is not even human in that regard…
on Friday August 14th 2015 at 13:40:31 Dave Myers
The ‘entire’ 9/2005 Orlando Sentinel article … http://articles.orlandosentinel.com/2005-09-18/news/WHITEBLACK_1_dave-myers-judy-myers-bill-myers
on Sunday October 4th 2015 at 21:28:57 Joyce
Mother’s may behave this way if in fact she was RAPED… No man would ever admit that to his child either. Obviously not a black man given the consequences and also no woman would be allowed to shame her family in that way even in America. Even in modern society it is a social disaster for the woman admitting that her baby was actually the result of a rape. Even if
her husband knew he also would not tell. Finding the truth is difficult in a situation like that.
on Sunday October 11th 2015 at 15:42:40 Dave Myers
All are very good points Joyce , so , I could be wrong , but all that can be looked at for perspective, short of ( white societies ) want of “my father” admitting that he forced my mother into having “sex” with him … is the glaring and unwavering fact that , he was actually married for (20) years to his first wife , a black woman , who bore (5) of his children … and again , for (30) years , to his second wife , a white woman , who bore three of his children .
on Tuesday January 26th 2016 at 05:31:31 Carli
No need for this young man to ‘act’ Black. He’s a biracial man with a Caucasian cultural identity. Simple as that. No need to explain. For those who are sick of racism get off your couch and do something about it where you live. It won’t fester if people don’t teach it to their kids.
on Wednesday January 27th 2016 at 04:50:32 jefe
It looks like you “know the solution”, but it is not nearly as simple as what you suggest.
First of all, re: what you said
– “No need for this young man to ‘act’ Black.” – Correct, although he is now arguably middle-aged.
– “He’s a biracial man ” – Correct
– “with a Caucasian cultural identity.” – While arguably correct, it is a very odd term to use with people who are not white. It is a somewhat outdated term (ie, used vis a vis “Negro” “Oriental” “Indian”) referring to race that whites like to use to steer attention away from colour or race. Since it is an old racial term, using to describe modern day “Culture” (as in “Caucasian culture”) makes it sound like the speaker is trying his hardest to avoid sounding racist. In fact, many people, especially people not white would cringe at hearing that term used to describe culture.
Maybe better just to say “white cultural identity” or even “white Anglo cultural identity”. Saying “Caucasian cultural identity” sounds very odd. Of course you can use whatever term you want, but just be aware the impact it has on others.
– “Simple as that” – David Myers’ case is anything but simple. For him to discover who and what he is only in his late 20s makes it a very complicated psychological and social issue to tackle. Added to that the estrangement he experienced from his family, he has a lifelong thing to deal with. Saying it is as “simple as that” shows you have no understanding what he has been going through.
– “No need to explain” – this is probably where you are furthest off.
People in the USA put people in race boxes and treat them accordingly. Identifying as “white” culturally is not going to help you navigate that experience. What one needs is learning how to navigate society as a person believed to look “black” to most people, yet identifying as “white” culturally, and on a kinship basis. Part of that navigation involves TONS /HEAPS of explanations to himself and everyone he encounters.
“For those who are sick of racism get off your couch and do something about it where you live.”
Yes, and part of that is empathizing, and helping out people navigate their racial and cultural identities in a very racist society. Not seeing colour will do nothing to help or solve that problem.
“It won’t fester if people don’t teach it to their kids.” – your “simple as that” “no need to explain” statements is one of the major reasons it continues to fester.
on Friday October 21st 2016 at 17:09:26 davemyers16
God damn IT … Thank U for understanding enough … and “caring enough” to articulate a well thought out reply to the Caucasian whose “words” I do not need to read …
on Friday October 21st 2016 at 17:11:03 davemyers16
I am here … IMDKMB … U choose .