BOTH GONE: on 4/3 and 7 years apart…
CAPS – denote my own writing style… I’m not screaming…
So... I will be reposting this same article on the joint anniversary of my parents' death every year.
My Mother Left Me on: April 3, 2013
AND 7 YEARS LATER
My Father Left Me on : April 3, 2020
Any thoughts anyone?
Anyhow, for the plethora of you who called, WhatsApped, texted… sorry I couldn’t answer… I just needed some time to reflect… all is well… I don’t necessitate any assistance. Just prayer and some time alone. I do appreciate you thinking about me though. Often I sound harsher than I could ever be inside externally… but I do care when you care… but it’s ok when you don’t care (smile)… Is that clear? Yes, I’m sad, but like MY FATHER, even in sadness I find a bit of silver lining… We cry because life is beautiful, we want our loved ones around because we won’t see the manifestations of what we loved about them on Earth, but their souls are where they belong.
My father’s body officially stopped functioning yesterday and thus he legally passed away on April 3, 2020. A wonderful friend of mine named Arlene called me crying and said: “Pete, did you realize that they both died on the SAME DAY?” Yup, 7 years ago, on April 3, 2013, my beloved Mother also left me. My parents were classy, connected, revered, Godly, philanthropic, distinguished, well-dressed and prestigious people. My Father was respected and had contacts with some of the top people in Haiti. IF one wanted to get anything DONE RIGHT the first time around, you HAD to go through my PAPA. PERIOD! But anyhow…
…APRIL 3 has become one of the new most significant day of my life… Even in DEATH my Father LOVED MY MOTHER… and I am pleased to be the fruit of their LOVE and part of their 50+ - year marriage story. See, secretly from childhood to adulthood I was always their best mediator… I was impartial, demanded that both sides were allowed to present their sides successfully and whenever I was present, ALL ENDED WELL… of course, I am from them, and I know them VERY WELL… and most importantly, I feel them EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.
My FATHER was a tenacious man… when my INCREDIBLY GORGEOUS LATE MOTHER broke up with the love of her life, my Father who was on THE FRIEND ZONE insisted on becoming her new boyfriend. My MOTHER vehemently opposed. Most of her friends were males and she simply had a RULE about that… NO DATING OF FRIENDS…
My Father befriended my Mom’s pseudo parents who were part of the Haitian Army and convinced them to convince my Mother to allow him to take her on a date… My Mother obliged out of respect for her pseudo- parents. But my Papa was determined not to make it a fictitious date or affair and went for the kill. Needless to say he succeeded. But they had two different personalities… My dad was an extroverted, generous yet strict man, who was eloquent and well-dressed but very unaware of time management and was rather nonchalant and happy go lucky. My Mom was highly reserved, distinguished, classy, gorgeous, time-management-centered and very much of a calculated perfectionist. Needless to say, they had their moments of disagreements LOL… but MY FATHER really loved my Mother… I can’t blame him because my late MOTHER was the most special woman that I ever came across. I respected and loved my parent and we never disrespected each other in any way… a tradition that I keep with my kids… no disrespect or raising of voices or arguments… I made it clear to my STERN FATHER as a child, that I didn’t like the STRICT and NEEDLESSLY VOCIFEROUS HAITIAN approach to child rearing and I did my homework and complied and we never had any problems.
My FATHER was an amazing provider. Often, I could even feel like he felt threatened if my MOTHER the genius designer and clothing store owner made more money than he did, it would make my FATHER feel like less of a bread-winner. But my Mother was an independent woman, who despite the fact that my FATHER was a great provider, she insisted on earning her own money even in a country in which the majority of women were home-makers.
Neither of them worked for others… they remained self-employed their entire adult life. My Father had one real job in his life, then quit and never worked for anyone else again. My mother never had a job in her life and has been her own boss for her entire life as a seamstress, designer and clothing store owner whose items included wedding gowns and children and adult clothes among many other things. I, too, don’t like jobs… I have had some very good ones, but I always felt trapped, and like my Mother I always knew I had to be my own boss.
MY FATHER was a man of PRIDE, HONOR and DIGNITY. He would rather suffer than lose his pride…like my Mother, he was a generous philanthropist, and often my Mother thought that he was reckless generous because he would work hard only to give it all away. He treated people well and EVERYONE was my Dad’s friend. None of the pastors in in church system was more liked and connected by the people of Port-au-Prince than he was. He was always well dressed, classy, handsome and well-connected, and exhumed authority. He had a lot of contacts, co-ran to girl orphanages with my Mother, many of whom live in the US and other parts of the World today.
Living with my parents was amazing… I always wanted to be LIKE MY PAPA… my DAD felt like the strongest, most revered yet feared man in the World and until today, I am afraid of doing certain things because I am afraid of letting my PAPA down (crying)… He instilled in me a sense of FAITH, PRIDE, FEARLESSNESS, and “WALK WITH ONE’S HEAD UP HIGH no matter what any MEN OR WOMEN OR PERSON OF NATIONAL ORIGINS OR RACES would say or believe.” My Self-Confidence is LIMITLESS and it’s ALL ATTRIBUTABLE to my PAPA and MAMA. My FAITH mostly to my FATHER but my sense of spirituality to both of my parents; who zealously pastored a church for at least four (4) decades and helped countless individuals. My Dad was fearless… he was strong-headed and took no prisoners yet was also compassionate. It reminds me of myself.
He was a PROUD BLACK MAN and a VERY GOD LOVING AND FEARING MAN... He TOLD me so many things that he never told my Mother and likewise, my Mother told me many things that he never told him... I was their best MEDIATOR... ANYHOW, I always wanted to be AS DARK AS HE WAS… and until today I find the darker skin tone fascinating because MY DAD and I had a special bond, which started from the WOMB… You see, I was the CHILD that he desired… my late BROTHER was an accident... my FATHER only wanted ONE CHILD... ME... an in reality my LATE BROTHER and MY DAD did not have a good relationship at all. It is as if their souls knew that they weren’t meant to be in each other’s midst. The fact that my brother had epilepsy (a nervous system disorder) didn’t help.
People entrusted my DAD with their MONEY and often their wives, children, property and LIFE to work on major projects. He was never a greedy man or a hybrid-capitalist and part-time philanthropist (like I have become)… He was a pure servant of God who gave his all to serve God and be there for his family. He taught me how to read and gave me a love for learning and knowledge that is UNDYING.
His legacy is undying… whoever had chance to meet my parents knew they were UNIQUE, GODLY, SPECIAL, HONORABLE, PRESTIGIOUS, RARE, GIVING, ALTRUISTIC, PHILANTHROPIC etc… they even helped strangers and random poor people in their neighborhoods and on the streets. My Dad was protected even when Haiti became a war zone because he was even generous with the POLICE and some questionable characters. He was an incomparable MAN OF GOD and a MAN OF THE PEOPLE.
There are a lot of things I could have done to become a BILLIONAIRE faster, but they would have dishonored my DAD’s LAST NAME. YUP, even at my age, and after his DEATH, I hear BOTH OF THEIR VOICES sharing their thoughts on me, and suggested goals yet allowing me to be myself because of their LOVE…
When my MOTHER would say, “ISN’T YOUR HEAD GOING TO EXPLODE FROM LEARNING, KID”, my FATHER would say… “KEEP LEARNING SON…” , “ACCOMPLISH THIS SON…” and at the beginning of my 30’s, he called me HIS HERO after he realized the obstacles that I had to overcome… I became INVINCIBLE from that point on… I had MY FATHER’S BLESSING… FINALLY, I WAS A MAN! Every man has an inner boy who needs his DAD’s BLESSING and RESPECT… But we need both parents, my MOM encouraged me to go to Med School all while she was dying of breast cancer... and at one point I had 15 US Med school waivers... thanks to her and my Dad! Neither of them discouraged me from pursuing my dreams and they both encouraged me whether I was doing great or was in a slump.
So, today, as I realized that there was ONCE four (4) of us, namely, my late Father, Mother, Brother and myself… There are too many countless memories that I have played in my CRAZY HEAD far too many times… I MISS MY PRE- ALZHEIMER'S DAD… I MISS HIS VOICE… I MISS OUR JOKES… I MISS OUR TRIPS TO CHURCH TOGETHER… OUR FIRST TRIP TO THE U.S. at AGE ELEVEN (11) for meeting his established academic goal… HIM CARRYING ME ON HIS SHOULDERS to class when it rained too hard… HIM teaching me how to fix his car and drive at 11… HIM being a man of HIS WORD always to me…
Today, when I think of being a FATHER… I think of him (minus his strict physical punishments which I avoided by complying when I was a child)… WHEN I talk to my children, I hear his voice… and when I think of being a man of INTEGRITY, I still SEE HIM!
MY PARENTS were angels… I will NEVER be able to live the kind of life that they lived. We live in a different time… but my PHILANTHROPIC nature is from them… My love of learning is from them… MY DIRECT and BLUNT nature is from them.
SOMEHOW… I am the ONLY LEFT OF THE FOUR… I’d love to LIE to say that it doesn’t STING… that I am not shedding COUNTLESS TEARS… that I don’t feel somewhat GUILTY for being the only one left… that despite my undying love for life that I don’t wish I were with them sometimes JUST TO HEAR MY FATHER’s FACIAL GESTURES that were so much like my beloved maternal Grandmother… talk to my mother about my shortcomings just to hear her encourage me as we talk about lessons learned without ever judging me. My FATHER loved my friends... especially Arlene, Aldyn, Paul and others. He would even ask me for my neighbors and anyone with whom I had an affinity. HE WAS A VERY SPECIAL MAN!
I need a BREAK from LOSING LOVED ONES… Pray for me… I don’t want to lose ANY OTHER LOVED ONES for a long WHILE…
MY FATHER is survived by myself his grandchildren and my Son and 2 Daughters; his Brothers Michel and Frido; his Sister, Aunt Lolotte; many nieces and nephews; and quite a few exceptional friends…and a few FRIENEMIES as well… There were many people that my Dad called friend that would have never been my friend… He was a lot more trusting of others than I’ll ever be… And both he and my MOTHER suffered some consequences because of it. I will NEVER Trust ANYONE 100% like my parents trusted some of their presumed friends, particularly many of those fake friends in the Church of the Body of Christ (BOC) for whom they gave most of their time and efforts in God's name.
He has reconnected with the WOMAN that he pursued and loved (my Mother) resulting into me being BORN to write this article after they are both GONE... He left on APRIL 3, 2020, 7 years after she she left, essentially on APRIL 3, 2013. EVEN in DEATH, they found a commonality. My father's soul wanted to salute my Mother's even in his last day. MY FATHER really did love MY MOTHER!
IN A RUSH, like my late PAPA! (smile)
RIP Pasteur Pierre Lorins!
His Grand-babies (My Babies) and I
His Granddaughters and I
THANKS FOR STOPPING BY and FOR THE CONDOLENCES!
(The Son of Pierre Lorins and Martha Lorins)
'STILL CARRYING THE TORCH, PAPA