TRUEST LOVE: My Daughters & My Son; Pre-Conception, Post-Conception and at/post Birth…
DISCLOSURE: Caps (i.e., capital letters) only denote my writing style…
I have never written an article about my son and daughters before… They were parts of my sacred zone... YUP, even I have sacred zones too... But I did promise my daughters to write an article about them, and of course, I will include my son as well because at some point in the future if he is reading this article, I don’t want a lack of mention of him to imply that I love him any less. But the LOVE that is shared between a FATHER and a SON, and that shared between a FATHER and daughter are rather different, yet in many ways they are also the same. But trust me; there is a difference between a BOY and a GIRL (a MAN and a WOMAN) even when it comes to TRUE LOVE... so for the sake of that LOVE, I will allow the World to know about MY LOVE for my children... but make no mistake about it. When it comes to my babies, I DO NOT COMPROMISE, REASON or NEGOTIATE.
First of all, my relationship with my children is the most sacred thing I have ever experienced in life. It is comparable to one that I share with the creator of the Universe and the closest display and analogy to TRUE LOVE or AGAPE LOVE that I could have ever imagined to have experienced in my lifetime. I recall being alone with the first two for over a year and having to joggle taking my son to Kindergarten, and my daughter to daycare (for a short period of time) and paying after school programs only to keep them at the office with me anyway because I was missing them so much. I recalled witnessing my first daughter’s first steps alone… sacred Father and daughter moment for sure. I recall my son getting lost while he went to use the bathroom while I was in an engineering grad course at the University of Central Florida. All the floors look similar and he just couldn’t find his way back to me. It felt as if MY HEART literally stopped beating and since all my professors knew him, they could see and feel the massive concern that I was feeling. When I finally find him with the campus police as he told them jokes (like his Grandfather), I was both relieved and amused. And it reminded me that parents will always be the ones who worry the most about their babies (Smiling). But trust me, finding him safe and sound on that day… I started interacting with them from the time they were in their Mothers’ womb… I kissed and chatted with them and that sort of conversation hasn’t changed even at their current ages… I am a lucky bastard, and as I refer myself in regards to them, I am simply “THEIR LITTLE PAPA”… my main job is to LOVE & RESPECT THEM UNCONDITIONALLY and be their CHEER LEADER and MOTIVATION.
NO SCREAMING OR CORPORAL PUNISHMENT
I have never raised my hands on my children. Additionally, I have never physically punished or abused them in any way shape or form. As a child, I watched my father doing both to children and in rare occasions to me and I despised it. It is one of the reasons why I was the top student in my classes as a child. I hated getting screamed at or the idea of getting physically punished, especially when it was done in a brutal manner. Anyhow, let me not say more than that the more physical force is used, the less mental/psychological finesses is used and thus anger and frustration will reign on both sides. And so will resentment. There is none of this garbage between my children and I and I am so thankful for that.
FIRST SIX YEARS OF THE CHILD’S LIFE (QUALITY OVER QUANTITY)
I spent quite a bit of time interacting with my three children from the time they were conceived to their years of infancy. I always focused on quality over quantity. I prefer to interact with them and make them feel comfortable about self-expressions than to exert my parental authority on them. I often refer to myself as THEIR LITTLE DADDY. The reason why I did that is because as a child I often felt so much smaller and insignificant. Accordingly, just like I never wanted my children to be exposed to any type of screaming/yelling (verbal abuse) and physical abuse from me, I wanted them to feel that the most important aspect of our relationship was TRUE LOVE and RESPECT.
I have been called Mr. MOM during several time periods with all three of them. I recall taking my son and first daughter to all my graduate school classes with me. They even went to one or more law school class sessions with me as well, and they always behaved. People would often ask me if I am a strict disciplinarian and all. And my answer would be: NOT AT ALL.
I just shower them with TRUE LOVE and RESPECT and keep my word with them. Moreover, I would communicate fervently with them about all issues and explain THE “WHY’s” behind all the things that could potentially confuse children.
I recalled when my son was conceived. He just couldn’t wait to get to the World… I recalled how his mother and I took 3 pregnancy tests in a row because we simply couldn’t believe it. JUST LIKE THAT, I became a FATHER… it changed my life… visitors were not allowed to touch him… I had big signs by his crib so asserting… TRUST ME, I TAKE NO PRISONERS when it comes to my babies…. Don’t even TRY or PUSH MY ENVELOPE IN THAT DEPARTMENT. You will REGRET IT (smiling). I went from SPEEDING to driving like a GRANDPA overnight. I spent so many times alone with my son in his first years, and he would even give me advice on certain house chores at 2 years of age. I recall those instances very well. Until today, we never disrespect each other in any way and never have any disagreements, shouting matches, or disagreeable experiences. We never raise voices at each other and we spend 95% of our interactions either planning things (or being functional) or laughing with each other. Like my mother, my son is very practical. He does things purposefully and he considers the end first.
At 21 he still has no parking tickets or any type of traffic tickets linked to him whatsoever. He is a lot more calculating than I used to be. At this age, I was a speeder and sort of a HOT HEAD. I was very tough when people cornered me. He is more mellow and reasonable (smiling). My son doesn’t want to accumulate school loans like most. He wants to take this time and build his wealth and pay his way to a degree, but believes it is smarter not to accumulate school loans needless like many of his friends did, only to end up with the same job that he would have without the loans/degree. He is a smart young man. My son wants to be a businessman and investor. May God guide his path as I will be proud of him no matter what she chooses to do as a career, because, what I am the most proud of is being his Father. I love you son!
I look forward to those Father-and-Daughter Dates more than anything else in life (smile)..
My First Daughter
I recalled rekindling a relationship with her Mother after a separation and the thought of conceiving a daughter entered my heart. I mentioned it to her mother, at which point she said, WHAT IF IT DOESN’T WORK OUT AGAIN? And my answer was, at least we’ll both have a daughter. And just like that, she was conceived on the first attempt. My first daughter is the most affectionate little girl one could have ever asked for. She was also so caring and loving and she was always hugging and kissing from the time she was an infant. She would always ask for anything that she needed TWICE (for instance, I want some WAWA DADDY, I WANT SOME WAWA, when she wanted water)… she was very attentive and she would be in my arms as I work on my grad school work and then I would have to sing songs to her for hours (e.g., she loved BUTTERFLY KISSES)…
Like her Brother, she often gives me sound advice, but on top of that she sends me great motivational notes and until today I call her my personal MOTIVATION specialist. We share such a sacred understanding and love that dying today would only hurt because I know she would be missing me so much. Otherwise, having experienced THAT TRUE Love that we have for each other is sufficient to complete the story of my life whether I return to my maker now or at 100. My eldest daughter is so smart but unlike her little sister, she is more human about her abilities. Sort of like the way I used to be. She gets nervous about her scores and her goals just like I used to be in my early years (even when I ended up exceeding my expectation). But in my latter years, I developed the confidence that induced me to consider the end and to not even care about my scores no matter how great or ok they were. My first daughter wants to become an optometrist. May God guide her path as I will be proud of her no matter what she chooses to do as a career path, because, what I am the most proud of is being her Father. She is so smart and wise like her Grandmother.
My Second Daughter
My second daughter is a love child. She never left the delivery room and thus never made it to the nursery. I just didn’t want to trust the World with her until I ensure that she was taken care of and had all the right immunity levels. I simply don’t like or trust the nursery process, especially when it comes to MINORITY children being taken care by people that may not even like minorities. GOT ME? Anyhow, I ended up washing her myself and she never left my site for the first months of her life. I worked from home for the first 9 months of her life, and the first thing I did was smile at her and tell her jokes as I changed/cleaned her. Her mother and I never even questioned the spontaneous time at which we decided to conceive her. We were in love and we wanted to have a healthy and smart love child. Her name represents happiness, intelligence and peacefulness and all of those things she is. She is so grateful, loving and confident. She never questions her abilities. She is so alert and gets straight A’s and/or is GIFTED student. She has an amazing relationship with her teachers, mother and her PAPA (moi). She is so diplomatic, lady-like, and level-headed…
Like her older sister she is so diplomatic… here is how she asked me to take her to the nearest restaurant to use the bathroom:
“ DADDY, I KNOW THAT IT MAY NOT BE THE MOST CONVENIENT TIME TO ASK YOU THIS, BUT IF IT IS NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK, WOULD YOU MIND TAKING ME TO THE NEAREST RESTAURANT TO USE THE BATHROOM BECAUSE I MAY REALLY HAVE TO GO SOON”… at that very moment, I knew that she was my MOTHER’s GRAND-DAUGHTER.
THEY ARE MY BEST ACCOMPLISHMENTS
I have many amazing dreams and some may argue that I have accomplished amazing things already considering where I came from and how clever I had to be to accomplish them. However, my best accomplishments will always be my babies. The LOVE that I share with them and a few rare friends will always be the MOST MEANINGFUL experience of my life. It is the same love that I inherited from my PARENTS (minus the screaming and corporate punishment from my Father). The same love that induced my Mother to let me go live in a foreign land to have a better life even when she missed me a lot. I did and accepted things that I would have never accepted or done just to ensure that they lived a more peaceful life. I sacrificed access to them at times whenever I felt that it was the best decision for them in the long run.
IN THE END… in all things we have to consider THE END, and in the end, I will only want to SEE THEM and ONE/TWO RARE FRIEND(S) around me… I will not have remembered the millions/billions that I will have made… nor will I have remembered my degrees…
My best ACCOMPLISHMENT will always be BEING THEIR LITTLE PAPA…
I LOVE YOU, TRISH, THALIA and BRANDON with ALL MY HEART... I MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING RIGHT TO HAVE BEEN GIVEN SUCH AMAZING HUMAN-BEINGS AS MY BABIES.
I also should not forget my step-sons (Van and McCrady) from my ex and my God Son (Sammy)… because I love them all so much as well… and want to have a lasting effect on their lives as well.
I also give "MAD RESPECT" to their MOTHERS... they might not have been my ideal mates... but they ended up being ideal women to have had my babies with.
Always Your Little PAPA, Pete Lorins
IN A RUSH - Pardon any typographical errors ("typos")...
Dr. Pete Lorins is the Chief-Editor of LORINSPost.com… This article was sponsored by www.LORINS.biz